Its almost Thanksgiving I am living the Dream..... So why am I having a Nightmare? Again & Again & Again

So I am married. 
Again. 
And then Again! . Finally Happy 
But let me explain........About that Nightmare

So lets back up a decade...or two.

Key the fancy swooshy,spacey sound effects here to indicate time travel taking place.


The first one was the guy I met right after high school and married at twenty one. 
We tired for kids until I found out he had been leaving his swimmers in someone else's pool. Yeech!

So we split up. It was pretty damn drama laden for a while. We all worked for the same company. 

If there had been reality TV back then, we could have had our own show on TLC or even Bravo. The company was that good.

Because I upped the ante by starting to date someone else on the same payroll. I thought I would find a good looking guy and have some fun. I had never been someone who "slept around", now was my chance. 

I was unencumbered and over twenty one. 

I picked my target. 

• He was cute. 
• He had sexy legs. 
• He showed up for work everyday. (Not sure why that was on my list, but it was)
• He had good hair.
• He was a single father.(That was the biological clock talking to me I later learned)

I found out he and my soon to be ex were quasi friends. But they were more quasi than friends since he had no problem asking me out when he realized I was interested nor did he have a problem making a pass. 

I fell in love with his five year old daughter. 
I became pregnant.
I never did get to "sleep around"

But not everyone was thrilled.

Even my own father said and I quote, "You don't have to get married just because your pregnant, you know that, right?"

In my pregnant brain bliss I answered,"Yeah, I know, but he wants to."

I cried through the wedding ceremony. Tears and sobs and snot and all so hard I could barely say my vows. 

I was six months pregnant and realized at just that moment what a mistake I was making. (Looking back I probably kept putting it off for a reason. Duh, hindsight!) 

Fast forward four years after the ceremony. The family includes his daughter and our two sons, 3.5 and 2.5 y/o

Key the fancy swooshy,spacey sound effects here to indicate time travel taking place.

I am in a bad marriage. He is working. So am I because I know that the time is coming that I will have to get out but there is still some hope that I can change him.

 (HAHAHA)

After all he is my children's father. We created life together. 

LIFE !!! DAMN IT!!!

Can you tell I was mad? 

Well, I was terrifically pissed off. 

But the holidays were approaching and I was determined to give our kids the best damn holidays ever, as long as it didn't kill me. 

So Thanksgiving dinner was great. I stuffed and baked and basted and then served and cleaned and we smiled for family mine and his alike. Everyone went home and we were finally able to relax.

Or so I thought. 
But as usual, I thought wrong. 

See apparently my mistake during the marriage was...thinking.

I believed I was allowed to, he disagreed.

After Thanksgiving dinner was the first time he ever put his hands on me in anger. 

Yes, there had been signs that his temper was getting worse. 
Yes, I had seen him hit walls.
Yes, there was a lot of yelling in our household. 
All from him. 

After I managed to remove myself and my kids from the situation and he calmed down, the apologies began. 

• He was sorry
• He would never do it again
• He loved me
• He loved our kids
• He would do what ever I wanted
• He was sorry
• He didn't know what made him act that way
• He loved me

A repeating mantra of words and sound that meant little to me.

I had not suffered any great damage. No black eyes, no broken bones. In the great scheme of abuse victims, I barely qualified. I had a couple of bruises. Some scrapes. The police were not called. I went home after a serious conversation. 

I reminded him of something that I'd said to him when we first started dating. I promised him two things.

1. I would never cheat on him.
2. I would never forgive him if he hurt me physically

He remembered. He did the whole apology thing again. I took the kids home. 

But I had only one plan in my mind. 

Give my children one final Christmas as a family and then get the hell out. 

It was the longest five weeks of my life.

I moved out on New Year's Eve Day. 
While he was at work.

My kids had a great Christmas, but they don't remember it at all. I stayed for the wrong reasons. 

I left for the right reasons.
I do not regret leaving. 
Trusting my instincts usually works for me. 
This time I was simply lucky that ignoring them did not cause more damage.

As this holiday season approaches, if you find yourself living in a nightmare and your instinct is telling you to get out but you don't want to ruin your kids Christmas, please think about how it might ruin all of their future holidays if you are killed or badly hurt. Do you want them to spend every year remembering the time Mom spent Thanksgiving in the ER getting stitches? Or the Christmas you accidentally fell down the stairs? That haunted look in their eyes, only you can fix it. Talk to your kids. They may know more than you think they do. And they may be willing to give up a lot for safety. The young ones won't remember or know what they are missing and the older ones may understand why. Give them a chance.  

But most important listen to what your own instinct is telling you. If you KNOW you need to get out, then do it. Take your kids and leave. 
Run now. 
Because no one can be as lucky as I was. My own luck changed very quickly once he realized I was serious about not reconciling.
Do not leave your kids with regrets saying "If only.." 

-1-800-799-7233 is the number to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. 
This is the website...
path-to-safety/

Or call someone local. Just call someone. Or contact me and I will reach out and find a local someone in your area if you cannot do a search on your computer. Just comment on the blog with the city you are in and I will comment back in the same way with info for a local hotline. 

 Oh..I never really did explain my nightmare did I? The reason for our huge fight that Thanksgiving night?

I thought he could have helped more so I wasn't stuck in the kitchen alone. He thought it was my job. I thought he was an idiot. 

Ding Ding...Ring the bell, because the fight was on. 

It was a stupid reason. They always are, but it happened. Get out while you can.